The Chels part 1: Rancid BO

I quit the Chelsea after working there for nearly 3 years. For roughly 2/3 of that time, I was a projectionist. I still worked the occasional box office shift selling tickets. I'll share my projectionist woes some other time, but here are some of the more obnoxious exchanges from the BO.

customer: Two adults and one child for [some movie about a lion].
me: We are no longer showing that feature.
customer: I read in the paper that it was showing here!
me: Thursday was our last showing [it was Sunday]; each new film week starts on Friday.
customer: Okay, well, what movies do you have for children?
me: We don't typically show kids' movies here. We're more of an- [she cut me off]
customer: This is very frustrating... [she trailed off away from the window]
Then her son maybe... 8 years old? walked up to the counter and said "that's not very good."
me: [leaning in toward the window] It is for me.

cust: What's [movie 1] about?
me: I haven't seen it. We have reviews posted on the board there [pointing].
cust: What about [movie 2]?
me: I'm not sure.
cust: And [movie 3]?
me: They're all fairly new.
cust: You haven't see any of the movies?
me: ...Don't ask me, I just sell the tickets.
It's hard to express how much of an ass I was being here. The air of contempt in my voice was palpable.

This one happened all the time.
cust: Which theater should we go in?
There are three goddamn doors. It's not a game show; you can figure it out. Plus I probably don't remember which movie you bought a ticket for.
me: The name is over the door.
cust: But which one is it?
me: Which movie are you seeing?
9 times out of 10 they check their stub. Seriously.
me: It's that one [pointing], where it says X over the door.
I can sort of understand if there are different directions to go or theater numbers or shit like that, but this is the very definition of simple.

cust: Can I bring in my own bottle of wine?
me: [stunned disbelief]

cust: One senior for X
me: Over 65? [the Chelsea's definition of "senior" tickets]
cust: What?
me: Are you over 65?
cust: What? I'm asking for a senior ticket.
me: Sorry, those tickets start at 65.
cust: I have an AARP card!
me: Okay, well that starts at 50.
cust: This is rediculous! The AARP pays to have these things available for their members.
me: I assure you this theater doesn't see any of that money.
cust: You're not going to sell me a senior ticket, are you?
Well, since you're such a gem...
me: Sorry.

cust [with his wife]: My wife and I came in here the other day to see a movie, and the guy refused to give us a refund.
This guy was David Woodward, and I had heard this story already. I humored him.
me: What movie did you come to see?
cust: Shopgirl, the Steve Martin movie.
There happened to be a huge standee for the movie right behind me.
me: Okay, did something happen to the film?
cust: No, it was just about some tramp, running around town sleeping with everybody. So then we went into another theater & it was about some queer.
me: And you didn't stay for the whole movie?
cust: No! We asked for our money back & he wouldn't give it to us!
me: Well we don't control the content of our films. Actually at this point I can't refund a ticket anyway, because that information is in a report that has already been closed.
cust: We were wanting to go to Pride & Prejudice instead.
me: I'm sorry, the nature of the industry is that they don't exchange equally like that. Imagine going to a gallery and not liking the Van Gogh. The Matisse isn't going to come free. [I'm sure I'm embellishing my eloquence here. I was way too pissed off to make a cogent metaphor.]
cust: If we'd known the movies weren't going to be good we wouldn't have come at all.
me: The content of the movies is not bad because you disagreed with it. Both the films were critically acclaimed. There are reviews posted on the boards over there that talk about the content that offended you as well.
cust: We don't care what those people think about the movie! We have our own opinions about that sort of thing.
me: The ratings board also gives reasons behind their ratings. See here [pointing at the standee] the detail for Shopgirl states "sexually deviant behavior" [or something like that].
cust: We didn't check the ratings; we just wanted to see a good movie.
This went on for awhile, but I didn't yield.
cust: You're not going to let us in to this movie are you.
cust. wife: I think he can do it, but he won't.
me: It's both.
cust: Fine, we'll pay to see this movie. 2 seniors.
me: Over 65?

This one didn't happen to me, but it was at the box office. I was projecting at the time & was upstairs.
cust: We want our money back.
Adam: Why's that?
cust: That movie's too gay.
Adam: What?
cust: We just didn't realize... we saw that it was made in NC, but... we didn't realize it would be so gay.
Adam: Gay?
cust: Yes. There's a homosexual in it.
Adam: Okay...
cust: We brought our 15 year old son!
Adam: We don't provide refunds after the first half hour.
cust: If we'd known it was so gay we wouldn't have come in the first place! There was no indication anywhere about that!
Adam: We have reviews posted at the boards that talk about the content.
cust: I didn't read the reviews.
Adam: We have these cards too [picks up the Loggerheads card].
cust: I read the card! It didn't say anything about that.
Adam: [skimming the card] "...and their openly gay son."
After standing stunned for a moment, they guy went into the theater to collect his family & left.

Instead of standing at the box office like a normal person, this guy came in and stood at the counter. For reference, don't do that shit unless you're invited. Nobody needs some asshole hovering over the cash drawer and watching you play Freecell. That shit is personal.
cust: Two for X [hands a credit card].
me: We take cash or local checks.
I say this because people inevitably ask if we take debit cards. When this happened to Graham once, the customer insisted they had accepted his card "last Friday." Anyway,
cust: I don't have any cash. Everybody takes credit cards!
me: Sorry. There's an ATM blah blah blah.
cust: Well what about this!
me: That's a ticket printer.
cust: It looks like a credit card machine!
I tapped the space bar and flashed him the printed ticket.
me: Nope.
So I guess he thought we actually did take credit cards? Has he been denied before because he's such an asshole? Well, he found the ATM all right.

Customer walks in with his date,
cust: Is this... the movies?

Elderly customers leaving the theater, not asking for a refund,
cust: We just realized we saw this movie two weeks ago!

Woman on bike: Glad I don't work for Coke!

There's a long list of quotes in the back room. I don't remember a lot of the gems, so maybe Graham or Daphne can help me out there.

Next time: Russ becomes a badass.